Thursday, December 17, 2009

What Google Can Do 4 U

What's the best way to summarize the needs of mankind? The desires of the weak? The questions that we all want to ask?

Thankfully, Google has the ability to predict these questions for us. Google knows best.

What are the most used intros to questions? Well, don't worry, because I know. They are:

1.) How to ______________?

2.) Where can I find ______________?

3.) What is the best ______________?

4.) How do I spell ______________?

5.) Where is the best place to ____________?

6.) Who is _________________?

7.) Why does ________________?


8.) What is _________________?

9.) Is it unhealthy to ________?

10.) Is ______________?

Haha, ok this is going to be so good. We're going to tackle these one at a time... Google shall do all the work for me, I will just type "How To" or "Who is" into the search bar and I will get a list of the top questions that begin with that phrase prompted to me. I will copy them down so we can, in turn, ponder them. And laugh. We are about to learn A LOT about society.

1.) How to ______________
How to sew on a button
How to tie a tie
How to kiss
How to get pregnant
How to lose weight fast
How to cook a turkey
How to solve a rubix cube
How to write a resume
How to make a website
How to lose weight

2.) Where can I find _____________?
Where can I find zhu zhu pets?
Where can I find Chuck Norris?
Where can I find Erin Andrews video?
Where can I find my IP address?
Where can I find Erin Andrews peephole video?
Where can I find a job?
Where can I find cheap airline tickets?
Where can I find a notary?

3.) What is the best _______________?
What is the best cell phone?
What is the best laptop?
What is the best antivirus software?
What is the best way to lose weight?
What is the best dog food?
What is the best way to lose fat?
What is the best digital camera?
What is the best blackberry?
What is the best mattress?

4.) How do I spell ________________?
How do I spell numbers?
How do I spell resume?
How do I spell hors d'oeuvres?
How do I spell sounds?
How do I spell cancelled?
How do I spell hieroglyfics?
How do I spell my name phonetically?

5.) Where is the best place to __________________?
Where is the best place to live?
Where is the best place to live in Florida?
Where is the best place to get a tattoo?
Where is the best place to buy a TV?
Where is the best place to shoot a deer?
Where is the best place to download free music?
Where is the best place to mine thorium?
Where is the best place to exchange currency?

6.) Who is ___________________?
Who is my congressman?
Who is Lady Gaga?
Who is Big Poppa?
Who is John Galt?
Who is on the dime?
Who is the richest man in the world?

7.) Why does ___________________?
Why does my vag smell?
Why does my eye twitch?
Why does poop float?
Why does my dog eat poop?
Why does ice float?
Why does hair turn gray?
Why does milk appear white?
Why does Kim Zolciak where a wig?
Why does it rain?
Why do men have nipples?
Why do men cheat?
Why do cats knead?

8.) What are ______________?

What are the symptoms of the swine flu?
What are the 7 deadly sins?
What are the 7 wonders of the world?
What are capers?
What are prime #s?
What are carbs?
What are the 7 continents?
What is labor day?
What is love?
What is twitter?
What is mystery google?

9.) Is it unhealthy to _____________?
Is it unhealthy to not ejaculate?
Is it unhealthy to eat boogers?
Is it unhealthy to swallow?
Is it unhealthy to sleep too much?
Is it unhealthy to ejaculate too often?
Is it unhealthy to wash your hair everyday?
Is it unhealthy to not have a period?
Is it unhealthy to not wear your underwear?
Is it unhealthy to be a vegetarian?
Is it unhealthy to eat late?

10.) Is _______?
Is Lady Gaga a man?
Is Lady Gaga a hermaphrodite?
Is the world going to end in 2012?
Is Santa real?
Is bronchitis contagious?
Is Khloe Kardashian pregnant?
Is pneumonia contagious?
Is Wal-mart open on Christmas 09?
Is Wendy Williams a man?
Is limewire illegal?

So what is it that we learned? I'm not certain. The only thing I'm certain of is this:

If you are trying to find the Erin Andrew's peep hole video and you realize that a.) you need to lose weight fast and b.) you don't know how to make a turkey, you must be able to whip out a cell phone with text capabilities to ask your friend what the proper hors d'ouevers(sp?) are and find the best background music for Christmas dinner. In the meantime, surf the net to catch up on all the latest Pop News, such as how to mine thorium or the story of Kim Zolciak's wig, and you do all of this why? To avoid being stuck alone in front of a mirror wondering if your vag smells. Only then will you begin to understand the mystery google. And why men have nipples. But seriously, is Wal-mart open on Christmas?

2 comments:

  1. Odd thing is I know the answers to all of these questions.

    ReplyDelete