Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Starting Early: Middle School Felons

I have always avoided the letters I.S.S.

As a student, they were deadly, as a substitute they are threatening.

In. School. Suspension.

But I felt reckless this morning, curious. Middle school I.S.S. can't be that bad... the kids that are in there will surely be scared out of their wits and in turn will sit quietly doing work, and I will have a simple day. Correct?

Correct. The two lads in here are very obedient.

But, being the inquisitive sort, I can't let the two boys sit in complete silence. I have to hear why they are in here...

And so I do. After prompting each one, asking why they are in here, they are more than willing to share their stories, eager for some conciliation, some understanding.

Story #1
8th grader, Michael is a wigger and has just been caught for selling oregano on the bus. For 5 bucks, he told the boy it was Salvia. His prospective buyer told on him and now he's busted. Michael has now admitted to me that he smokes Salvia on a regular basis and needs to quit, but I think he is lying to impress me. But regardless of that, this morning his parents found a homemade bong made out of a Gatorade bottle. He has yet to face the music for this and is frightened to go home. He is going to court tomorrow and will be going to reform school for 90 days. To compound the issue, he has been accused of tattling on one of his friends for smoking weed, and this friend is now threatening to "kill him." To protect him, his grandmother has been called in to drive him home, because the school bus is no longer safe for him.

Story #2
Jimmy, 8th grader. Currently in I.S.S. for mouthing off to his health teacher. His mouth starts running and all of a sudden he is telling me a high action drama of his recent past, a drama that goes something like this: His friend Tyreke had a gun and brought it to school and was threatening to kill someone. This someone had stolen his "girl." Tyreke then fires the gun into the ground 5 times, while Jimmy is by his side. Word got around that Jimmy witnessed the firing, so he was called to the office to give information on Tyreke. He refused to rat. Tyreke is in juvie now. Jimmy is still ballin.

Jimmy left after one period. Now it's just me and Michael, and Michael is in no mood to do anymore work, and how can I blame him? He may not be coming back to school for 90 days... why do your homework? So we talk. It devolves into him reading me Insect Jokes, which are funny for all the wrong reasons. We laugh out loud. Check these out:

What kind of boats do mosquitos like?

Blood vessels.

How did the firefly feel when it ran into the fan?

He was delighted.

What bug goes snap crackle fizz?

A lightning bug with a short-circuit.

Why did the bee go to the doctor?

It had hives.

What animal is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee.

What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A banana.

Why did the fly fly?

Because the spider spied her.

Yeah I know. Those are terrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially those last two... I mean W.T.F. Anyways, I.S.S. is now on my subbing radar. I'm doing it whenever it surfaces from here on out.

1 comment:

  1. I think the fly flied because the spider spied her.

    And a pick-up line for a coprophagous fly? "Pardon me, is this stool taken?"