This poem came to be during the spring of 2008 after a trip to Oak Island, North Carolina. I joined in on a large group that hailed from Greensboro, including my sister and several of her friends that I was familiar with. The weekend nights began at the Captain's Cove Motel and culminated in jubilant outings to the beach, where nude sea bathing was all the rage, an activity that has yet to be surpassed in its sense of liberation.
Past our hotel
And down the beach access,
Our feet give way to sand,
Silent as we pass
The marsh with barking frogs
Camouflaged in water that runs
Down from corrugated roofs,
Treeless streets,
Into the gutter runs.
Beneath the clearness of a coastal moon
We cross the interdunal flats,
The sea-oat wall,
Onto the gaping strand,
Where the sand comes
Like a thousand needle-points to cling
Onto our naked bodies; spotless
We present ourselves
Like sweeping vagrants
Through the ruffled surf.
Five boys again, we run,
Hit the tidal rhythm --
Outlines drawn into
And out of a thousand difficulties,
Submerged, mixed and lost in the vortex
Drawn down from island corners.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
On the Gravel After I Peed
From July 10th to August 17th I volunteered on a project studying the threatened Maroon-fronted Parrot in the Sierra Madre of NE Mexico. The parrots nested colonially in limestone cliffs, and my duty was to sit and observe and record nest activity, at times from a great distance. Some nesting sites had negligible nest activity, so I would wind up having 8 hours on my bum to deal with. As you can guess, I became adept at alternative activities. I wrote this poem on August 10th 2009. At this particular site I became obsessed with the butterflies, taking advantage of their weakness for urine salts. Enjoy!
On the gravel after I peed,
After the car passed and hit you,
Your forewing lay bent
And the breeze tumbled. You
Clung to my finger, tongue still
Tickling the salts, and green insides
Coming from your tip.
I placed you on my lap, my left hip
And squeezed your head
In the forceps of my fingers
And in a crunch you died.
So feathery, the wind still blossomed
Gave lift along your spine, your scales shedding
On my shorts. In the urine stain
On the gravel, sit six of your kind
Jostling over the wettest spots,
Unfurling proboscis
As I tuck you down beside me,
Press you in a rock crevice.
I don’t like you moving when you’re dead;
It gives me hollow dreams.
This would be the butterfly in question. A Marina Patch.
This would be his kind on my urine. Along with a Goatweed Leafwing.
On the gravel after I peed,
After the car passed and hit you,
Your forewing lay bent
And the breeze tumbled. You
Clung to my finger, tongue still
Tickling the salts, and green insides
Coming from your tip.
I placed you on my lap, my left hip
And squeezed your head
In the forceps of my fingers
And in a crunch you died.
So feathery, the wind still blossomed
Gave lift along your spine, your scales shedding
On my shorts. In the urine stain
On the gravel, sit six of your kind
Jostling over the wettest spots,
Unfurling proboscis
As I tuck you down beside me,
Press you in a rock crevice.
I don’t like you moving when you’re dead;
It gives me hollow dreams.
This would be the butterfly in question. A Marina Patch.
This would be his kind on my urine. Along with a Goatweed Leafwing.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Power Out, Power On
Subbed for a elementary art class yesterday. 6 periods, each one a different grade, 5th, 4th, 3rd, 2nd, 1st, kindergarten. The schedule was simple... my only duty was to stick in a video about Eric Carle, who is a children's book author/artist. The show interviews him about his background and has him demonstrating how he makes the art for his books. I watched it 6 times and was fully enthralled each time.
He showed how he made this, his Very Hungry Caterpillar, his most famous.
Unfortunately the power went off to the entire school at about 9 am, causing utter chaos. The video was no longer an option, so I went to the emergency plan and let them draw. While the power was off, I made the mistake of letting the kids go to the bathroom. I had forgotten the dungeon atmosphere of elementary bathrooms, had forgotten that if a 6 year old goes into a pitch black bathroom some bad things will happen. After each bathroom visit I had to contend with a severely traumatized kiddie.
But, I am a master of disaster control, so onwards we go. Time to let artwork explain the rest of the day. During the power outage, one of my 3rd graders brought me this:
She informed me that it was not just a power outage, that in fact the school was about to blow up. This is her representation. I told her that yeah, no, she was wrong.
I had developed a serious headache by the arrival of the 1st graders. The power had returned and the video had resumed, but a problem still existed. The video was 30 minutes long, the classes were 45 minutes long, so I had 10-15 minutes to kill afterward. So I let them draw. The problem with little kids is that they do not follow orders unless you are a complete domineering bitch, so that is what I had to become. They obeyed me, but not without repercussions.
The drawings I began to receive became a bit less cheery. One positively insane little girl handed me a folded up piece of paper as she left the classroom. She whispered "Open it ONLY after I leave."
So I did, and this is what I got.
Oh, the love!
Before the day began, I had dreamed of a calm day where I could goof off with art materials all day. Turns out I didn't get too much of an opportunity to. My one un-finished product is below.
In retrospect, I guess that would be the dungeon school and then a lot of hellfire? Who knows. What a piece of _______.
He showed how he made this, his Very Hungry Caterpillar, his most famous.
Unfortunately the power went off to the entire school at about 9 am, causing utter chaos. The video was no longer an option, so I went to the emergency plan and let them draw. While the power was off, I made the mistake of letting the kids go to the bathroom. I had forgotten the dungeon atmosphere of elementary bathrooms, had forgotten that if a 6 year old goes into a pitch black bathroom some bad things will happen. After each bathroom visit I had to contend with a severely traumatized kiddie.
But, I am a master of disaster control, so onwards we go. Time to let artwork explain the rest of the day. During the power outage, one of my 3rd graders brought me this:
She informed me that it was not just a power outage, that in fact the school was about to blow up. This is her representation. I told her that yeah, no, she was wrong.
I had developed a serious headache by the arrival of the 1st graders. The power had returned and the video had resumed, but a problem still existed. The video was 30 minutes long, the classes were 45 minutes long, so I had 10-15 minutes to kill afterward. So I let them draw. The problem with little kids is that they do not follow orders unless you are a complete domineering bitch, so that is what I had to become. They obeyed me, but not without repercussions.
The drawings I began to receive became a bit less cheery. One positively insane little girl handed me a folded up piece of paper as she left the classroom. She whispered "Open it ONLY after I leave."
So I did, and this is what I got.
Oh, the love!
Before the day began, I had dreamed of a calm day where I could goof off with art materials all day. Turns out I didn't get too much of an opportunity to. My one un-finished product is below.
In retrospect, I guess that would be the dungeon school and then a lot of hellfire? Who knows. What a piece of _______.
Monday, September 14, 2009
ALERT
Sup y'all. So, this is fairly straight forward. Starting right now, I have a 2nd blog. So start following that too, or you're straight bonkers..
Just go to my profile and check it out... The Best of Spit, Pen, and Song... or click on the link to the right.
Just go to my profile and check it out... The Best of Spit, Pen, and Song... or click on the link to the right.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
You Wiped Your Mouth Quite Nicely
Yesterday I substituted for a elementary autistic class. I had substituted with this class once before last year, and had experience a couple times with other autistic classes. If I am in the right mood, I find Special-Ed classes to be the most rewarding, eye-opening, stimulating of all the classes.
But at the same time, days like these are a frightening load of responsibility, a work day where you are not allowed a single second to relax. Without exaggeration, I was on my toes attending to something from 7:30 to 2:30 non-stop. Whereas this makes the time go faster, it bites back by exhausting you. But, upon reflection, I learned a lot, saw a lot, and the kids are terrific and a lot smarter than anyone would think.
The set-up was this: 5 students aged 5-7, and 3 teachers including me. The game-plan is to have a variety of activities planned throughout the day to keep the kids focused and introduce them to a variety of subjects.
And the stream of consciousness begins...
- Every object of every activity is attached by velcro. The sound of pulling velcro gives me the willies like nothing else. Except for finger nails across newsprint. That's worse. But seriously, I cannot focus with that.
- Music teaches, right? A music teacher comes into the room to sing some songs. It's evident that this happens way too often and the kids are entirely nonplussed. We are supposed to all be singing "You are my sunshine." The reality is that it's only me and the teacher singing. Sweet.
- The music-teacher spices it up by leaving out the word "sunshine" and expecting someone to fill in the blank. As she does it, one kid fills in the blank with "October." No, it's not that odd of an answer when you consider he has been admiring the artistic designs of all the months just to the left of him.
- There are now 2 students left sitting in front of music-teacher. One kid has left and coerced assistant-teacher to sing itsy-bitsy spider to her over in a corner. Another is off alone, bouncing halfway to the ceiling on a therapy ball, grinning, full of joy. The third is screaming and running around the room, resisting the forearm strength of the teacher-in-charge.
- Mantra: A disaster is capable of occurring at any moment.
- One of the kids that is still in front of the music teacher has replaced his chew toy with a wooden drumstick.
- I become fearfully obsessed with being seen through. I am a fraud.
- It's time to go outside on the playground. By going out to the playground this means going to play on the swings. Nothing else is of interest. Here there are kids from other classes as well and our kids have become mixed with the general population.
- I spend the entire recess time pushing two of my kids on the swing, one with each arm. I think my wrists are permanently injured but I hide it, telling each of them that they are birds and airplanes.
- A 7 year old girl asks how old I am. I tell her 23. She says. "Oh, I thought you were 40!"
- I convince one of my kids to get off the swing, as I've become conscious by the line of 20 drooling kids, all rubbing themselves in anxiety, waiting for a swing to open up.
- I spot one kid foraging in some soil.
- I decide that I am strangely qualified to handle the absurdity of all this.
- Back in the classroom.
- Recess seems to have increased the lucidity of all.
- Amidst a round of play-doh and snack time, I witness that these kids are not that different than any other.
- One boy does not like play-doh. It is a well known fact in the classroom that he does not like play-doh. I try and convince him to come in contact with it, and not just roll it out, but then I stop. I realize that maybe he finds it smelly, but he can't talk. Or maybe he finds it boring. Would I want to touch a gross smelling, boring object? Not usually, and that is the truth.
- I overhear the teacher-in-charge commenting on one girl, saying "She doesn't show what he knows." I realize that that is the ultimate truth.
- One kid repeatedly goes and gets on a computer without permission. I overhear the teacher assistant commenting to the teacher-in-charge, "He's testing you." The truth.
Those last two comments opened my eyes a lot. I still don't know what to think, but I think I like it. But only every once in a while.
I still prefer to substitute slack-style, so that I can do things like.... write this post during work. Taha!!!
But at the same time, days like these are a frightening load of responsibility, a work day where you are not allowed a single second to relax. Without exaggeration, I was on my toes attending to something from 7:30 to 2:30 non-stop. Whereas this makes the time go faster, it bites back by exhausting you. But, upon reflection, I learned a lot, saw a lot, and the kids are terrific and a lot smarter than anyone would think.
The set-up was this: 5 students aged 5-7, and 3 teachers including me. The game-plan is to have a variety of activities planned throughout the day to keep the kids focused and introduce them to a variety of subjects.
And the stream of consciousness begins...
- Every object of every activity is attached by velcro. The sound of pulling velcro gives me the willies like nothing else. Except for finger nails across newsprint. That's worse. But seriously, I cannot focus with that.
- Music teaches, right? A music teacher comes into the room to sing some songs. It's evident that this happens way too often and the kids are entirely nonplussed. We are supposed to all be singing "You are my sunshine." The reality is that it's only me and the teacher singing. Sweet.
- The music-teacher spices it up by leaving out the word "sunshine" and expecting someone to fill in the blank. As she does it, one kid fills in the blank with "October." No, it's not that odd of an answer when you consider he has been admiring the artistic designs of all the months just to the left of him.
- There are now 2 students left sitting in front of music-teacher. One kid has left and coerced assistant-teacher to sing itsy-bitsy spider to her over in a corner. Another is off alone, bouncing halfway to the ceiling on a therapy ball, grinning, full of joy. The third is screaming and running around the room, resisting the forearm strength of the teacher-in-charge.
- Mantra: A disaster is capable of occurring at any moment.
- One of the kids that is still in front of the music teacher has replaced his chew toy with a wooden drumstick.
- I become fearfully obsessed with being seen through. I am a fraud.
- It's time to go outside on the playground. By going out to the playground this means going to play on the swings. Nothing else is of interest. Here there are kids from other classes as well and our kids have become mixed with the general population.
- I spend the entire recess time pushing two of my kids on the swing, one with each arm. I think my wrists are permanently injured but I hide it, telling each of them that they are birds and airplanes.
- A 7 year old girl asks how old I am. I tell her 23. She says. "Oh, I thought you were 40!"
- I convince one of my kids to get off the swing, as I've become conscious by the line of 20 drooling kids, all rubbing themselves in anxiety, waiting for a swing to open up.
- I spot one kid foraging in some soil.
- I decide that I am strangely qualified to handle the absurdity of all this.
- Back in the classroom.
- Recess seems to have increased the lucidity of all.
- Amidst a round of play-doh and snack time, I witness that these kids are not that different than any other.
- One boy does not like play-doh. It is a well known fact in the classroom that he does not like play-doh. I try and convince him to come in contact with it, and not just roll it out, but then I stop. I realize that maybe he finds it smelly, but he can't talk. Or maybe he finds it boring. Would I want to touch a gross smelling, boring object? Not usually, and that is the truth.
- I overhear the teacher-in-charge commenting on one girl, saying "She doesn't show what he knows." I realize that that is the ultimate truth.
- One kid repeatedly goes and gets on a computer without permission. I overhear the teacher assistant commenting to the teacher-in-charge, "He's testing you." The truth.
Those last two comments opened my eyes a lot. I still don't know what to think, but I think I like it. But only every once in a while.
I still prefer to substitute slack-style, so that I can do things like.... write this post during work. Taha!!!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Plato Specialist
Fresh off my return to Chapel Hill and eager to start the money train a rolling, how could I resist? Plato Specialist? High school? Ok. Turns out Plato was not Play-Doh, was not Plato the Grecian, but a computer program that assists learning. Beyond that I still don't know what it means. The only thing it means to me is that the computer is doing the teaching, not me. So, they get on the computer, and so do I. They work, I don't. The best way to relate my day is by a stream of consciousness, period by period.
1st Period:
- Pretend to go to the bathroom and fill my water bottle.
- Girl informs me that she was late because she was reading the pledge of allegiance.
- I listen to "Obsessed" by Mariah Carey three times.
2nd period:
- I start playing Lexulous online.
- Don't bother to say anything to the students.
- Play "hoopoe" for 68 points. My opponent thinks I'm cheating.
- Wringing her hands, a girl comes up and asks to go to the bathroom.
- Sandy J plays "it" for 19 points.
- I take off my shoes.
3rd period:
- I decide to cheat and use a word-builder and play "trave" for 50 points. I'm now beating Sandra W by 97.
- Jeremy the "student" comes into class 10 minutes late and throws a bookbag off of a chair.
- Directed to me, he asks: "What's your name?"
Me: "Mr. K."
Him: "Special K."
Me: "That's right. Eat a healthy breakfast."
- Jeremy starts arguing with everyone around him.
- I say nothing else for the rest of class.
- Jeremy says to the guy next to him: "Why don't you go outside and fight that dog that's been walking around. I'll give you 20 dollars for that."
- Sandy J play "goos" for 18 points.
- Jeremy says to someone else: "If you stop smoking weed you are going to start beating your kids and wish you hadn't stopped smoking."
- Jeremy philosophizing on Facebook's deception: "You see her picture on facebook and they look so bangin. Then you see them in real life and they got a rash on top of their forehead."
- Jeremy's heart-felt, defensive response to someone making fun of his middle name Dewayne: "It's a family name. My brother Tewayne, cousin Berwayne, Dewayne. Ya dig?"
- I play "ape" for 14 points and beat Sandy J.
- Jeremy dropping knowledge: "I've accepted the fact I'm ugly. You ugly and you can't accept it."
- Jeremy gets removed by a counselor.
1st Period:
- Pretend to go to the bathroom and fill my water bottle.
- Girl informs me that she was late because she was reading the pledge of allegiance.
- I listen to "Obsessed" by Mariah Carey three times.
2nd period:
- I start playing Lexulous online.
- Don't bother to say anything to the students.
- Play "hoopoe" for 68 points. My opponent thinks I'm cheating.
- Wringing her hands, a girl comes up and asks to go to the bathroom.
- Sandy J plays "it" for 19 points.
- I take off my shoes.
3rd period:
- I decide to cheat and use a word-builder and play "trave" for 50 points. I'm now beating Sandra W by 97.
- Jeremy the "student" comes into class 10 minutes late and throws a bookbag off of a chair.
- Directed to me, he asks: "What's your name?"
Me: "Mr. K."
Him: "Special K."
Me: "That's right. Eat a healthy breakfast."
- Jeremy starts arguing with everyone around him.
- I say nothing else for the rest of class.
- Jeremy says to the guy next to him: "Why don't you go outside and fight that dog that's been walking around. I'll give you 20 dollars for that."
- Sandy J play "goos" for 18 points.
- Jeremy says to someone else: "If you stop smoking weed you are going to start beating your kids and wish you hadn't stopped smoking."
- Jeremy philosophizing on Facebook's deception: "You see her picture on facebook and they look so bangin. Then you see them in real life and they got a rash on top of their forehead."
- Jeremy's heart-felt, defensive response to someone making fun of his middle name Dewayne: "It's a family name. My brother Tewayne, cousin Berwayne, Dewayne. Ya dig?"
- I play "ape" for 14 points and beat Sandy J.
- Jeremy dropping knowledge: "I've accepted the fact I'm ugly. You ugly and you can't accept it."
- Jeremy gets removed by a counselor.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Character Profile: Dr. Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park
In a movie with transcendent dino stars, Jeff Goldblum found a way to outdo them all. How did he do this? One by a being a terrific actor, two by getting to play the best character of all time, Dr. Ian Malcolm.
For all you out there who spend the entirety of Jurassic Park ogling at T-Rex and Velociraptors going "wow" and "neat," you probably can't remember a single line he said. And granted, I saw it about 150 times before I did either... but eventually I dug deeper.
And if you dig deeper, if you actually listen to what is going on, you will find the deepest proddings of the world's psyche ever to hit the big screen. And what is the purpose behind that deepest prodding? It is to massage out the potential results of unconsidered biological tinkering, just like Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. I am not lying. Let us dig deeper together:
First of all, everyone's memory needs to be jogged with an image of Ian Malcolm, the man himself, the muse that brings the philosophies to light:
That aught to do the trick. So...
Who is Ian Malcolm?
Physically, as you can see, he is tall, lean, and about 35 years old. He is a mathematician that specializes in chaos theory, and he is also the namesake of the fictional Malcolm Effect(which describes the catastrophic rapid failing of a solar system).
Anyways, Malcolm predicts from the very beginning of Jurassic Park that the park will fail. His reasoning behind this prediction is that complex systems cannot be controlled. One example he uses is weather forecasting which is performed by computer programs.
Believe it or not, his theory is proved correct. The dinosaur population of Jurassic Park was designed to be controlled by having all the dinosaurs be genetically engineered to be female. Thus, no breeding possible. And no breeding is good breeding, because otherwise all hell would break loose. However, during the film, Dr. Alan Grant discovers the nest of a Velociraptor filled with hatched eggs. As said by Malcolm, life finds a way. Don't try to control it. His theory is proven further in the eventual escape of every dinosaur in the park.
Now that you've got a general idea of who he is, we'll get to the funnest part. Exploring his wonderful character through the things he says:
"All the money spent on long-range forecasting - about half a billion dollars in the last few decades - is money wasted. It's a fool's errand. It's as pointless as trying to turn lead into gold."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Ian Malcolm: "God creates dinosaurs, God destroys dinosaurs, God creates man, Man destroys God, Man creates dinosaurs."
Dr. Ellie Satler: "Dinosaurs eat man, Woman inherits the Earth"
God: Lol. They got it right except the last part.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"What is so great about discovery? It is a violent, penetrative act that scars what it explores. What you call discovery, I call the rape of the natural world."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The lack of humility before nature that’s being displayed here uh... staggers me."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Alan Grant: "You married?"
Dr. Ian Malcolm: "Occasionally. I'm always on the lookout for the future ex-Mrs. Malcolm."
God: Malcolm lives his life like is work: erratically. Maybe that's what we are all designed to do, and any constancy we experience is just a conscious effort to resist the chaos that rules us.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Henry Wu: "You're implying that a group composed entirely of female animals will... breed?"
Dr. Ian Malcolm: "No, I'm simply saying that life, uh... finds a way."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should."
God: Science is such a new power that sometimes we achieve all we can before thinking about the repercussions.
"I'll tell you the problem with the scientific power that you're using here: it didn't require any discipline to attain it. You read what others had done and you took the next step. You didn't earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don't take any responsibility for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could and before you even knew what you had you patented it and packaged it and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now you're selling it, you want to sell it!"
God: This is reality before us.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"God help us, we're in the hands of engineers."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Boy, do I hate being right all the time!"
God: He says this upon realizing the park is out of control.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"There's, another example. See, here I'm now sitting by myself, uh, er, talking to myself. That's, that's chaos."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Don't you see the danger, John, inherent in what you're doing here? Genetic power is the most awesome force the planet's ever witnessed, yet you wield it like a kid that's found his dad's gun."
God: Hey, you folks in the labs out there. Don't take the power you have for less than it really is.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"If there is one thing the history of evolution has taught us it's that life will not be contained. Life breaks free, expands to new territory, and crashes through barriers, painfully, maybe even dangerously."
God: That is the beautiful power of the world: there is no permanent containment.
God: Bow to the awesome power.
More than anything, Ian Malcolm challenges us to think. He challenges us to resist the initial lust of discovery in favor of the more cautious approach. Why be cautious? Because anything can and will happen, when given the ingredients.
Just like when you get a bowl, put in some Jeff Goldblum, a pinch of chaos, and a dollop of butter, only to mix it all up. Then you wind up with this on your bathroom wall:
For all you out there who spend the entirety of Jurassic Park ogling at T-Rex and Velociraptors going "wow" and "neat," you probably can't remember a single line he said. And granted, I saw it about 150 times before I did either... but eventually I dug deeper.
And if you dig deeper, if you actually listen to what is going on, you will find the deepest proddings of the world's psyche ever to hit the big screen. And what is the purpose behind that deepest prodding? It is to massage out the potential results of unconsidered biological tinkering, just like Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. I am not lying. Let us dig deeper together:
First of all, everyone's memory needs to be jogged with an image of Ian Malcolm, the man himself, the muse that brings the philosophies to light:
That aught to do the trick. So...
Who is Ian Malcolm?
Physically, as you can see, he is tall, lean, and about 35 years old. He is a mathematician that specializes in chaos theory, and he is also the namesake of the fictional Malcolm Effect(which describes the catastrophic rapid failing of a solar system).
Anyways, Malcolm predicts from the very beginning of Jurassic Park that the park will fail. His reasoning behind this prediction is that complex systems cannot be controlled. One example he uses is weather forecasting which is performed by computer programs.
Believe it or not, his theory is proved correct. The dinosaur population of Jurassic Park was designed to be controlled by having all the dinosaurs be genetically engineered to be female. Thus, no breeding possible. And no breeding is good breeding, because otherwise all hell would break loose. However, during the film, Dr. Alan Grant discovers the nest of a Velociraptor filled with hatched eggs. As said by Malcolm, life finds a way. Don't try to control it. His theory is proven further in the eventual escape of every dinosaur in the park.
Now that you've got a general idea of who he is, we'll get to the funnest part. Exploring his wonderful character through the things he says:
"All the money spent on long-range forecasting - about half a billion dollars in the last few decades - is money wasted. It's a fool's errand. It's as pointless as trying to turn lead into gold."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Ian Malcolm: "God creates dinosaurs, God destroys dinosaurs, God creates man, Man destroys God, Man creates dinosaurs."
Dr. Ellie Satler: "Dinosaurs eat man, Woman inherits the Earth"
God: Lol. They got it right except the last part.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"What is so great about discovery? It is a violent, penetrative act that scars what it explores. What you call discovery, I call the rape of the natural world."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The lack of humility before nature that’s being displayed here uh... staggers me."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Alan Grant: "You married?"
Dr. Ian Malcolm: "Occasionally. I'm always on the lookout for the future ex-Mrs. Malcolm."
God: Malcolm lives his life like is work: erratically. Maybe that's what we are all designed to do, and any constancy we experience is just a conscious effort to resist the chaos that rules us.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Henry Wu: "You're implying that a group composed entirely of female animals will... breed?"
Dr. Ian Malcolm: "No, I'm simply saying that life, uh... finds a way."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should."
God: Science is such a new power that sometimes we achieve all we can before thinking about the repercussions.
"I'll tell you the problem with the scientific power that you're using here: it didn't require any discipline to attain it. You read what others had done and you took the next step. You didn't earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don't take any responsibility for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could and before you even knew what you had you patented it and packaged it and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now you're selling it, you want to sell it!"
God: This is reality before us.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"God help us, we're in the hands of engineers."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Boy, do I hate being right all the time!"
God: He says this upon realizing the park is out of control.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"There's, another example. See, here I'm now sitting by myself, uh, er, talking to myself. That's, that's chaos."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Don't you see the danger, John, inherent in what you're doing here? Genetic power is the most awesome force the planet's ever witnessed, yet you wield it like a kid that's found his dad's gun."
God: Hey, you folks in the labs out there. Don't take the power you have for less than it really is.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"If there is one thing the history of evolution has taught us it's that life will not be contained. Life breaks free, expands to new territory, and crashes through barriers, painfully, maybe even dangerously."
God: That is the beautiful power of the world: there is no permanent containment.
God: Bow to the awesome power.
More than anything, Ian Malcolm challenges us to think. He challenges us to resist the initial lust of discovery in favor of the more cautious approach. Why be cautious? Because anything can and will happen, when given the ingredients.
Just like when you get a bowl, put in some Jeff Goldblum, a pinch of chaos, and a dollop of butter, only to mix it all up. Then you wind up with this on your bathroom wall:
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
The Art of Idleness: Substitution
There is a certain substituting rhythm that I have adapted myself to. The average class requires very little student interaction. The goal is to go by unnoticed, the dream being that the students will function as a separate entity, not needing the inspiration of a teacher.
Thankfully, most of the time I "teach" I encounter the brightest stars of the Chapel Hill-Carrboro City School constellation, which allows me to do whatever I want. I drop the bad news to the kids: do this worksheet, then this one, then shut up, and they accept it.
My latest assignment was middle school math. For the first half of the day I was in a surly mood; the kids were not paying attention to me. So I quickly changed up my style and began to threaten them. All of the kids were supposed to be working on EOG worksheets, but there was a group of three boys that refused to do so. I had learned earlier that the ultimate punishment in middle-school world is to send the kid to the teacher break room, where they must do their work in dead silence and isolation.
I walked up to the three chumps and knelt down in front of them and laid out the law:
"Look. I'm not blind. Just because you have the worksheet in front of you doesn't mean you are working. You are over here slapping each other and smashing staplers on the floor. You are disrupting the kids who actually want to learn something. If I hear anything else you are going to the break room. Capiche?"
This made them shut up, and for the rest of the day this is what I did, making an example of one kid at the beginning of the class and then sitting back to relax and let them grovel and learn.
In the meantime I had discovered a tragedy of my own. There was no internet. What the heck was I to do? So Bored. Thankfully I brought Jurassic Park with me, so during my break periods I watched it. Get ready for an upcoming post about Jurassic Park. I've got Jeff Goldblum thoughts.
But my true-found entertainment came while scrumming through the "art & crafts" drawer. Here I found a watercolor kit!!! So for my last two class periods I spent my time painting, filling all the students around me with jealousy and fascination.
Here is my end product:
Yeah I know. You might be wondering if that really took 2 periods to paint? The answer to that is No, it didn't. But that's beside the point. It all began with the creature in the middle. I think the arms may have been inspired by my mantids lethal forearms, the head inspired by a parrot, and the rest of the body by a grotesque spider abdomen. Then I just felt that he needed to be soaring out of the water, heading towards an exotic island.
Then one of my admiring students said I needed a dragon. After half-heartedly rebuking them for watching me paint instead of working, I opened up discussion of dragons. I could not really see it happening in this painting, but I added some version of a dragon anyways, just to please the masses. I think the "dragon" is really scaring my mantid-fish-parrot, making him flee into the dense brush of the island. Meanwhile, the sadistic, all-powerful Sun God is watching, pleased with the havoc his world is wreaking.
While I was doing this I was, of course, washing off my brush in a bottle of water. The water by the end was a dark mess, the color of forest-green sweaters in L.L. Bean magazines. I half jokingly offered to pay someone 10 dollars to drink it. Much to my dismay, about 5 kids leapt up to battle for the opportunity. I was part disgusted, part impressed. I wound up backpeddling and not allowing anyone to, saying that I wanted it for myself. I couldn't stand for poisoning my children!!!!
Finding entertainment without internet is So Challenging. But for all those out there who feel helpless when denied the .com world, don't despair. Just think. Last week I subbed for a elementary music class, and for 7 hours all I had to do was teach two 30 minute classes of kindergarten kids. I played them a Carnival of Animals video during class, and for the other 6 hours I locked myself in and banged on the piano and tooted on the recorders. I learned how to play Amazing Grace on both. And since all four walls of the classroom were made of mirrors, I practiced all the dances I had forgotten how to do. I danced the Rumba with my reflection. I ate my lentil leftovers. I GOT PAID.
Thankfully, most of the time I "teach" I encounter the brightest stars of the Chapel Hill-Carrboro City School constellation, which allows me to do whatever I want. I drop the bad news to the kids: do this worksheet, then this one, then shut up, and they accept it.
My latest assignment was middle school math. For the first half of the day I was in a surly mood; the kids were not paying attention to me. So I quickly changed up my style and began to threaten them. All of the kids were supposed to be working on EOG worksheets, but there was a group of three boys that refused to do so. I had learned earlier that the ultimate punishment in middle-school world is to send the kid to the teacher break room, where they must do their work in dead silence and isolation.
I walked up to the three chumps and knelt down in front of them and laid out the law:
"Look. I'm not blind. Just because you have the worksheet in front of you doesn't mean you are working. You are over here slapping each other and smashing staplers on the floor. You are disrupting the kids who actually want to learn something. If I hear anything else you are going to the break room. Capiche?"
This made them shut up, and for the rest of the day this is what I did, making an example of one kid at the beginning of the class and then sitting back to relax and let them grovel and learn.
In the meantime I had discovered a tragedy of my own. There was no internet. What the heck was I to do? So Bored. Thankfully I brought Jurassic Park with me, so during my break periods I watched it. Get ready for an upcoming post about Jurassic Park. I've got Jeff Goldblum thoughts.
But my true-found entertainment came while scrumming through the "art & crafts" drawer. Here I found a watercolor kit!!! So for my last two class periods I spent my time painting, filling all the students around me with jealousy and fascination.
Here is my end product:
Yeah I know. You might be wondering if that really took 2 periods to paint? The answer to that is No, it didn't. But that's beside the point. It all began with the creature in the middle. I think the arms may have been inspired by my mantids lethal forearms, the head inspired by a parrot, and the rest of the body by a grotesque spider abdomen. Then I just felt that he needed to be soaring out of the water, heading towards an exotic island.
Then one of my admiring students said I needed a dragon. After half-heartedly rebuking them for watching me paint instead of working, I opened up discussion of dragons. I could not really see it happening in this painting, but I added some version of a dragon anyways, just to please the masses. I think the "dragon" is really scaring my mantid-fish-parrot, making him flee into the dense brush of the island. Meanwhile, the sadistic, all-powerful Sun God is watching, pleased with the havoc his world is wreaking.
While I was doing this I was, of course, washing off my brush in a bottle of water. The water by the end was a dark mess, the color of forest-green sweaters in L.L. Bean magazines. I half jokingly offered to pay someone 10 dollars to drink it. Much to my dismay, about 5 kids leapt up to battle for the opportunity. I was part disgusted, part impressed. I wound up backpeddling and not allowing anyone to, saying that I wanted it for myself. I couldn't stand for poisoning my children!!!!
Finding entertainment without internet is So Challenging. But for all those out there who feel helpless when denied the .com world, don't despair. Just think. Last week I subbed for a elementary music class, and for 7 hours all I had to do was teach two 30 minute classes of kindergarten kids. I played them a Carnival of Animals video during class, and for the other 6 hours I locked myself in and banged on the piano and tooted on the recorders. I learned how to play Amazing Grace on both. And since all four walls of the classroom were made of mirrors, I practiced all the dances I had forgotten how to do. I danced the Rumba with my reflection. I ate my lentil leftovers. I GOT PAID.
Monday, May 4, 2009
A NEW GAME: Search Image
I am substituting for high-school Ceramics class and am entirely unneeded. Straight from the horses mouth I was told: The reason you are required to be in here is so that someone can be liable for the children, which in real-talk equates to: if one of them burns their hand off they can blame it on me. Ha! Like I know to work a kiln...
So anyways, I have plenty of time on my hands and feel that it is time to provide you guys with a new form of entertainment. This game is about as simple as it comes and will be sure to "shock and wow" you. What else could you possibly want?
What you need:
a.) google
b.) dissociative skills
The first thing you need to do is to turn off the safe search on your Google Image Search. I hope that most of you would already have your computer set like this, but I have come understand that there are some out there who avoid the dark side.
The second thing that you need to do is to make a list of 4 words. The key is to pick 4 words that are the least associated with each other. For example, don't have one of your words be "swine," and then have another one be "bacon." Instead, do something like: "swine and carpet."
Once you have selected your four words, enter them into the Google Image Search. Now, find out what pictures you come up with! The only guaranteed result is amusement. Every other result is up to the Gods.
Here are a few examples of what can surface:
booger t-rex roll net
melody candle don sparrow
fielder evil vogue dock
chimney smock, linoleum janice
pontificate salamander meet regal
It's difficult not to keep going and going, but I'll stop there. I don't want you to get fat and happy off of my hard work. So go do it for yourself!
So anyways, I have plenty of time on my hands and feel that it is time to provide you guys with a new form of entertainment. This game is about as simple as it comes and will be sure to "shock and wow" you. What else could you possibly want?
What you need:
a.) google
b.) dissociative skills
The first thing you need to do is to turn off the safe search on your Google Image Search. I hope that most of you would already have your computer set like this, but I have come understand that there are some out there who avoid the dark side.
The second thing that you need to do is to make a list of 4 words. The key is to pick 4 words that are the least associated with each other. For example, don't have one of your words be "swine," and then have another one be "bacon." Instead, do something like: "swine and carpet."
Once you have selected your four words, enter them into the Google Image Search. Now, find out what pictures you come up with! The only guaranteed result is amusement. Every other result is up to the Gods.
Here are a few examples of what can surface:
booger t-rex roll net
melody candle don sparrow
fielder evil vogue dock
chimney smock, linoleum janice
pontificate salamander meet regal
It's difficult not to keep going and going, but I'll stop there. I don't want you to get fat and happy off of my hard work. So go do it for yourself!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Fathering Instinct: Praying Mantids
One of the most underrated aspects of young males is the fathering instinct, similar and in no ways lesser than the more well known mothering instinct. Never is this irresistible urge more evident than in our owning of pets. Pets of any size often act as the training wheels for future human babies, teaching the owner(yes, you own your baby) the requisite skills of dedication, training, teaching, and most importantly, spoiling.
Why am I writing this, some may wonder. Isn't it obvious? I have training wheels of my own now: 1 inch, spineless, bloodthirsty pseudo-babies. The apples of my eye, las niñas de mis ojos, my four praying mantids.
This is what you need to be imagining now.
How did they come into my life? Well, as it should be, they came to me the way I came into this world - with the assistance of my father. He brought an egg sac with him to the beach a few weeks ago, an egg sac that had just let loose dozens of baby mantids. He had to bring them to the beach so they would not die - he needed to keep them alive for his biology students.
Egg sac.
I felt a burning desire deep within me when I first saw the multitude of infants in the white cage. I wanted nothing else but to take care of them, to feed them, watch them grow, and to brag about them to everyone. So, never being one to disobey my urges, I got permission from Father to take four of them with me back to Carrboro.
As soon as I got home I went out and bought a delux cage for them... NOT. I cut open a juice bottle and stuck them in there. I tossed in the handful of fruit flies that Father pawned off on me, and I let them be for the night.
Normally the first thing I do when I wake up is walk into the shower with my eyes closed. I then brush my teeth in the shower with my eyes still closed, and perhaps by the end I will open them. However, the first morning with my mantids I did not do this. Instead I lurched out of bed(earplugs still in) and leapt over to my desk to take ahold of the juice bottle and raised it to the light. Peering through the plastic, time stood still.
Since that fateful morning, my life has changed. No longer am I living for myself. No longer is my life the only life that depends on me. I've got 5 lives to take care of. Since then I have upgraded their accomodations. I have traps set outside for fruit flies. I take them on long drives in the Jetta - windows down, lid cracked. If we go through the drive-thru at Wendy's, I stop at a patch of clover to snag them some flies as well.
In the words of the Spice Girls, 5 have become 1. I will now give you a quick tour of our lives together:
This is their new palace. It is a converted fish tank with all the amenities: a rotten piece of apple for the flies, a piece of our kitchen sponge, and of course, ornamental seaweed.
Another angle.
So the next aspect of this tour that needs to be addressed concerns their food. I feel the need to have food constantly available to them, otherwise I start to get stressed out. What if they are hungry and can't tell me? There is no real simple way to keep a constant stream of snacks flowing into this container, but I am doing the best I can. Here is what I do:
First I bust up some fruit and stick it in a yogurt container. Then I set it out in my front yard and leave it to simmer. After a few hours I return and put a top on it, trapping fruit flies inside. But how to get the flies from there into the mantis' cage? Here is where I get a bit ridiculous.
In case this picture hasn't explained the process to you, I'll explain it a bit further. I take the yogurt container into my bathroom, close the door, and release the flies. Now I have them in a contained space with minimal obstacles between me and them. Most of them go straight for the shower walls or window, easy spots to catch them. Next, I use the pictured vial to catch them one by one and tap it quickly into the terrarium. Usually it's about 10 flies per batch and it takes about 5 minutes. Yes, that might sound a bit arduous, but I enjoy it.
The rest of the day I let them be. I want them to be independent, I want them to learn how to hunt by themselves.
I know that there will come a day when this won't work anymore. These mantids are Chinese Mantids, which, ironically, means that they are the largest species around. Soon they will look like this:
Their childhood will end. They will enter adolescence and they will soon be able to draw blood when they strike me, but I promise, no matter what they say or do, I will keep working for them. If they are lucky and don't lose any legs while molting and die, one day they will be adults with families of their own(unless they are boys, then their wives will eat them). But either way, when that day comes, let us pray that I will be willing to let them go. And I think I will be willing, as long as they don't move out of the yard and keep their cell phone on.
Why am I writing this, some may wonder. Isn't it obvious? I have training wheels of my own now: 1 inch, spineless, bloodthirsty pseudo-babies. The apples of my eye, las niñas de mis ojos, my four praying mantids.
This is what you need to be imagining now.
How did they come into my life? Well, as it should be, they came to me the way I came into this world - with the assistance of my father. He brought an egg sac with him to the beach a few weeks ago, an egg sac that had just let loose dozens of baby mantids. He had to bring them to the beach so they would not die - he needed to keep them alive for his biology students.
Egg sac.
I felt a burning desire deep within me when I first saw the multitude of infants in the white cage. I wanted nothing else but to take care of them, to feed them, watch them grow, and to brag about them to everyone. So, never being one to disobey my urges, I got permission from Father to take four of them with me back to Carrboro.
As soon as I got home I went out and bought a delux cage for them... NOT. I cut open a juice bottle and stuck them in there. I tossed in the handful of fruit flies that Father pawned off on me, and I let them be for the night.
Normally the first thing I do when I wake up is walk into the shower with my eyes closed. I then brush my teeth in the shower with my eyes still closed, and perhaps by the end I will open them. However, the first morning with my mantids I did not do this. Instead I lurched out of bed(earplugs still in) and leapt over to my desk to take ahold of the juice bottle and raised it to the light. Peering through the plastic, time stood still.
Since that fateful morning, my life has changed. No longer am I living for myself. No longer is my life the only life that depends on me. I've got 5 lives to take care of. Since then I have upgraded their accomodations. I have traps set outside for fruit flies. I take them on long drives in the Jetta - windows down, lid cracked. If we go through the drive-thru at Wendy's, I stop at a patch of clover to snag them some flies as well.
In the words of the Spice Girls, 5 have become 1. I will now give you a quick tour of our lives together:
This is their new palace. It is a converted fish tank with all the amenities: a rotten piece of apple for the flies, a piece of our kitchen sponge, and of course, ornamental seaweed.
Another angle.
So the next aspect of this tour that needs to be addressed concerns their food. I feel the need to have food constantly available to them, otherwise I start to get stressed out. What if they are hungry and can't tell me? There is no real simple way to keep a constant stream of snacks flowing into this container, but I am doing the best I can. Here is what I do:
First I bust up some fruit and stick it in a yogurt container. Then I set it out in my front yard and leave it to simmer. After a few hours I return and put a top on it, trapping fruit flies inside. But how to get the flies from there into the mantis' cage? Here is where I get a bit ridiculous.
In case this picture hasn't explained the process to you, I'll explain it a bit further. I take the yogurt container into my bathroom, close the door, and release the flies. Now I have them in a contained space with minimal obstacles between me and them. Most of them go straight for the shower walls or window, easy spots to catch them. Next, I use the pictured vial to catch them one by one and tap it quickly into the terrarium. Usually it's about 10 flies per batch and it takes about 5 minutes. Yes, that might sound a bit arduous, but I enjoy it.
The rest of the day I let them be. I want them to be independent, I want them to learn how to hunt by themselves.
I know that there will come a day when this won't work anymore. These mantids are Chinese Mantids, which, ironically, means that they are the largest species around. Soon they will look like this:
Their childhood will end. They will enter adolescence and they will soon be able to draw blood when they strike me, but I promise, no matter what they say or do, I will keep working for them. If they are lucky and don't lose any legs while molting and die, one day they will be adults with families of their own(unless they are boys, then their wives will eat them). But either way, when that day comes, let us pray that I will be willing to let them go. And I think I will be willing, as long as they don't move out of the yard and keep their cell phone on.
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